||[Mar. 31st, 2006|10:14 am]
Mary Sue Makeovers
|||||'Happy People'- Skoop on Somebody||]|
Since I posted this in the 'Bastion', I figure I should put up some help on how to fix this fic. It's the writer's first fic, so some advice in time would really help this one.
This fic is a classic example of a 'wish fulfilment' fic. The main character is a somewhat idealised version of the authouress. Please, if you're going to write a fic where you, a normal girl/boy is sucked into a game/book/anime/whatever, just BE YOURSELF! It would be a lot more interesting to see how a regular person with no powers, and a normal, flawed personality would cope in another world.
Story Or Series Title: 'My Wish' http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2857053/1/
Fandom: Final Fantasy VIII
Culprit Author's Name: LinaLeonHeart
Full Name (plus titles if any): Lina Minoko
*Advice: I'm pretty sure this isn't the writer's real name, just a name she wishes she had. For a fic that is essentially 'I get sucked into the game', you should use your REAL name, even if you hate your name, or at least give yourself a normal sounding name that fits your ethnic background. Lina is the name of an anime heroine, and Minoko is a Japanese first name, not a surname.
Full Species(es): Self insert/ Pure Black Mage! (except she's in a game that doesn't have them, and doesn't have glowing eyes and a big hat, how disappointing.)
*Advice: Everybody wishes they were special, but if you really HAVE to be special, can you try to be special in a way that fits in with the game world? I mean, if you wanted to cast magic without drawing in FF8, you could be a Sorceress, have a limit break like Selphie's, or maybe be somebody who uses lots of magic stones or something. Or even better, don't be special at all. A non-special person who gets by on their wits and limited means would be far more impressive and likable.
Hair Color (include adjectives): Long blonde, in a pigtail (A pigtail? You can have a singular one now?)
Eye Color (include adjectives): Purple (The most generic Sue eye colour)
*Advice: Be honest, do you REALLY have PURPLE eyes? Or do you just WISH you had purple eyes? A character who's eyes were blue, but who wished they were purple, or somebody who wore purple contact lenses because they thought their eyes were boring would be more interesting.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Purple eyes, and a SCAR! Just like Squall's!
*Advice: Making a character have special physical traits that mirror a canon character is rarely a good idea, especially if the have no apparent reason. If she got in a fight and ended up with one, ironically hating the same scar that they thought looked so cool on their favourite character, that would be much more interesting. Squall's scar symbolises how he and Seifer have marked each other out, and how they mirror each other. Without the reason behind it, the scar is pointless.
Special Possessions (if any): A Gunblade! (yes, you know, those weapons that are so hard to use that the famous mercenary school, Balamb Garden only has one graduated SeeD who uses one...and it's Squall) Black Mage powers, so she can cast magic without needing to draw. (uuughhhh) A twin sister who is less SPESHUL than she is, but still a Sue, called Monica, who stands in line for hotdogs...carrying daggers! EEK!
*Advice: Why would Squall randomly give somebody a gunblade? Gunblades are a really hard weapon to master. Again you're just copying traits from a canon character without any reason. Also, if Monica is to be an important character, she ought to be given just as much attention as Lina.
Annoying Origin: She lives in Washington D.C. Suddenly Squall appears in her room and she's whisked away to Balamb Garden, where they all think she's a transfer student from Galbadia (Who, I should add, DON'T DO transfers to Balamb in most cases, because, unlike Trabia, they are large enough to have their own field exams.)
*Advice: Do a little more research into the game, or people like me, who have been playing it for five years and know it back-to-front, will pounce on you (huge amounts of storyline info can be found in the game menu and the garden info panels in the Balamb Garden classroom). Maybe think of a more creative way to get your character into the game than her just appearing there.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Squall seems to help her out.
*Advice: I know it's every fangirl's dream to have Squall be kind and helpful, but please think this through. At the start of the game, Squall was NOT particularly outgoing, or helpful. He only agrees to help Selphie (if you decide to have him help) because she nags him to, and even then, only says the minimum required, and is very formal with her).
Annoying Special Abilities: Can cast magic that ignores the rules of the game.
Other Annoying Traits:
Horrifyingly bad spelling and grammar, even when quoting directly from the game. Makes all the characters act boring and rather dumb, even Quistis Trepe, the prodigiously smart and talented eighteen year old instructor, isn't in the slightest bit suspicious at a Black Mage who 'can't remember' how to cast magic. Poor Selphie only appears as 'a yellow blur' (please die, not only for insulting my favourite character, but for forgetting that she wasn't in class that morning, she was late, and that she wasn't seen wearing the yellow dress until you got a few hours into the game.)
*Advice: Spell checkers can be easily found online, as can the script of Final Fantasy VIII. Try to keep the characters acting as themselves. Quistis is an extremely perceptive young woman, and not one who would simply take things as given. Quistis would be extremely suspicious of your character. She's kind, but very realistic in outlook, and not very laid back. Selphie is energetic, but she's not just some hyper thing who just runs around all the time. She's actually very intellegent, just very enthusiastic and bubbly. A few times in the game, it's demonstrated that she's MUCH smarter than first impressions would have you assume.
So to wrap up...
Writing an 'I get sucked into FF8 fic' is a dangerous thing to do in fic land. Unless you go for a very realistic fic in which 'you' are presented realistically, and so would have a lot of difficulty coping in a new enviroment, fighting monsters, trying to make friends and work out how you'll get home, or even wrestling with the issue of whether you WANT to go home, you'll end up with a fic that is essentially your personal fantasy released to the public. There are loads of these fics that are some fangirl's personal 'wish fulfilment' in which she is a beautiful and interesting girl, who Squall falls in love with and who is talented at magic and well liked and stuff, and people rarely want to read them.
You should either try to:
1. Subvert the genre by presenting a realistic account, where everything doesn't go well. Squall still loves Rinoa, you have trouble coping, feel like a burden, get terrified by the violence and death when it's made real rather than in a game and cope as best you can.
2. Avoid this genre like the bubonic plague.